Pet Loss Grief: Tips on Coping with Pet Loss

Losing your pet can be an excruciating experience, and coping with it will be a complicated process. The most important things you can do are to give yourself time to go through this process and embrace what you are feeling instead of bottling it up inside. We have some tips on coping with pet loss that could prove helpful if you are dealing with such an unfortunate situation.

Pet Loss Grief Tips on Coping with Pet Loss - Jenny Dean with Seal Mitted Ragdoll cat Caymus

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Why Does Losing a Pet Hurt So Much?

Losing a pet means losing one of your closest friends and companions. It means losing a friend who has shown genuine affection for you for an extended time and with whom you have had a strong connection.

Caring for a pet is commonly viewed as a lesser feeling, even in our modern society. Losing a pet is considered the equivalent of losing an object. But for pet owners who truly love their animals, this could not be further from the truth, which makes the pain of losing their animal companions genuine. Since the connection is real, so are the loss and the pain.

The nature of the pain and its intensity depends on a wide range of factors: the animal’s age, the closeness of your relationship, the duration of the relationship, the circumstances of the animal’s death, etc. Defining it is an intimate process because the pain is a personal experience. It is up to you to explore to seek out your resolution.

Please look at what our Floppycats’ readers had to say about their own experiences with losing a pet:

The Grieving Process

Losing a pet is a traumatic experience. After the initial shock and coping with that, most people want to skip the aftermath, which is the grieving process. But, unfortunately, no matter how much we may want to fast forward the grieving process, it will happen gradually.

This is why the best thing we can do is accept the situation and embrace what’s coming our way. There is something to learn from any experience, and this one is bound to bring out some important things to light. The grief process encompasses five stages: denial, anger, guilt, depression, and, eventually, acceptance.

Here are a few things you should keep in mind:

  • The details of these stages depend on your personal experience. Be aware of the stages and explore your array of feelings. Remember that you are entitled to express yourself emotionally and feel all these things as you mourn your pet’s loss.
  • You cannot skip from one step to another. Even if you recognize one of the stages and consider that you have gone through it, you must take advantage of the next one when you want. The pattern of the grieving process does not follow a mathematical equation, and it differs from one person to another.
  • Patience is the key to coping with grief. As you go through the process, you must be patient and allow the stages to unfold as they do. There is no timeline and no deadline, and the sooner you let go and accept that, the easier it will be.

Tips on How To Cope With the Grief of Losing a Pet

As you go through the grieving process, there are things that you can do that will help you along the way and others that will slow you down. Here are a few suggestions of things that could make it easier for you:

  • Letting others define your feelings can be damaging. – It is not up to anybody else to decide how much the loss of your pet can affect you. Your feelings are your own, and you shouldn’t let others set limits to your grief. If anybody says things like “You can always get another cat!” or “Get over it! It was just a cat!” it is your right to ask them to keep their comments to themselves.
  • Acknowledge the pain you are feeling. – The pain of the loss is very present, so acknowledge it, but set it aside so you can move on with your life. You can feel the pain without letting it get your full stream of consciousness. Think to yourself, “Yes, it hurts, I am aware, but there is more than this that I can feel. I can be aware of the pain, but still, enjoy drinking a cup of coffee with my friend.”
  • Speak to a therapist. – When dealing with a difficult moment, speaking to a professional might provide the guidance you need to overcome it. If you are already working with a therapist, talk about what you are going through during your sessions.
  • Talk to people with whom you are comfortable. – It is entirely up to you to talk to other people about what you feel in these difficult moments. Communication can be very beneficial, but not if it is forced. Talk to your friends, with people you feel very comfortable with, about what you are going through and let it out.
  • If you don’t feel like talking to people, write about your feelings in a journal. – It can be very liberating to let out some of your feelings. If you don’t want to talk to anybody about what you are going through, you can keep a personal journal. By writing things down, you can be free of them, which is very important for your journey.
  • Have a farewell ritual to get the closure you need. – Since your pet was your friend, a member of your family, it is only natural to have a goodbye ritual. Whether you choose a burial or a cremation, you should take a moment and acknowledge that you are saying farewell.
  • Make your own memorial. – Choose something that will remind you of your pet. This could be the place of burial, the box with its ashes, a photo album, a tree you have planted where its body was buried, or anything else you choose. The critical aspect is that you feel connected to this memorial.

What To Do When Others Devalue Your Loss

When grieving for a pet, it is almost inevitable that you will hear, “Why are you so devastated? It was only a cat!”. Of course, the obvious reaction would be to start an argument with the people who say this and explain why they are wrong. But remember that it is not their call to decide whether your pain is appropriate.

Cat Memorial Frame by etchedinmyheart1 on Etsy
Cat Memorial Frame by etchedinmyheart1 on Etsy

People may have such reactions if they do not have pets of their own or if they do not appreciate the type of connection you can build with an animal. Instead of holding that against them, which you are prone to do since you are in a vulnerable state, point out to them that you feel differently about the matter.

You may even get such reactions from friends or even family. So it would be best if you tried to connect with people who have pets or can understand your grief’s magnitude. Another alternative is speaking to a therapist who is not personally invested in the matter but can help you get through the process.

Is the Grief the Same for Everybody?

No, it is definitely not. The grieving process is a personal experience, making it different for everybody going through it. Of course, the closer you are to your pet, the more impacting its loss will be. However, it may be more challenging for some people to cope with the loss.

How To Help Children Cope With Losing Their Pet

Losing their pet can be a devastating experience for a child, so it should be taken very seriously. Parents should be by their side during the process and help them cope with the pain. Here are a few tips on how to do that:

  • Be honest with the child about what is happening. – Some parents want to protect their children from the pain and tell them stories like “We took your kitty to a farm where it has more place to play.” While this seems to be a way to reduce their pain, it can create a different kind of trauma because they cannot get the closure they need.
  • Explain to the child exactly what is happening to involve them.
  • Tell the child that it is normal to grieve. – Reassure the child that their feelings of pain are expected in this situation and be supportive. Just like it happens with adults, other people can tell the child that they are overreacting to losing a pet. Make sure to explain that this is not the case.
  • Involve the child in the farewell ritual. – That moment of closure is also crucial for children. Hence, it is incredibly beneficial to involve them in the goodbye ritual. Help them acknowledge the moment they pay their goodbyes so that it can be clear.
  • Encourage the child to have a personal memorial. – As we have mentioned above, memorials are significant. They are positive ways of remembering a pet, which a child needs after losing it. The child should be the one who chooses the type of remembrance they want. Moreover, it can be beneficial to involve them in making this memento.
  • Do not rush the child into getting a replacement pet. – Seeing a child suffer is difficult, and parents would do anything to spare them from this. This is why they usually suggest replacing the pet, hoping that this will make things better faster. But children have to go through the grieving process, so replacing the pet before this can make this more difficult.
Cat Ornament Picture Frame Hand-crafted Gift Memorial by TopNotchPetFurniture on Etsy
Cat Ornament Picture Frame Hand-crafted Gift Memorial by TopNotchPetFurniture on Etsy

Tips for Seniors Who Lose Their Pets

Seniors usually have a very close relationship with their pets and spend a lot of time with them. For some, their pets are their sole companions, and taking care of them is their main activity, so losing the pet will be very damaging.

Moreover, it can be a significant trigger for them that brings other emotions. All the tips we’ve mentioned above for coping with grief apply in this case as well, but here are a few extra:

  • Speaking to a therapist can be very helpful. – Coping with this type of trauma can be extremely difficult, and talking to a specialist might shed some light on the path.
  • Keep busy and engage with other people. – Losing a pet will disrupt the daily rituals, which becomes very noticeable when you only have that to focus on. Keeping busy and spending time with friends might make things easier for seniors.
  • Exercise can actually make a difference. – Taking care of pets means doing some exercise, so the habit will also disappear when they are gone. Seniors can sign up for dance or sports classes, which could help them on multiple levels. Staying social and getting exercise will help with the depression, and finding an activity to look forward to might ease the grieving process.
  • Volunteer at an animal shelter. – Being around animals can help with the grieving process. While it might be too soon to get a new pet, engaging with other animals without taking on the responsibility of becoming their masters could prove to be helpful.

Losing a Pet in a Household With Other Animals

If you have more pets in the house and one of them dies, the others will certainly feel it as well, and they will react to it. Cats can be deeply impacted by losing their companions, and you must help them as much as possible.

FUKUMARU Cat Scratcher Cardboard 5 PCS with Painted Box Reversible Cat Scratch Pad Kitty Corrugated Scratching Bed Caymus and Murphy

Animals Grieve as Well

When their companions die, animals also undergo a grieving process, which is usually very noticeable. Here are a few of the things you can expect:

  • They are going to look for their companion and call for it.
  • They may refuse to eat.
  • They may be lethargic and depressed. What you can do to help them is maintain a normal ritual and maybe even try to engage them in more activities. Be loving to them and try to comfort them as they are grieving. Don’t force them to connect if they refuse, but give them the opportunity.

Euthanasia – Getting Over the Trauma

Making the decision to euthanize your pet is nothing like putting your pet to sleep. It is a tough decision to make, and it can be a very traumatic experience. However, when an animal gets sick, and there is nothing that the doctors can do for it anymore, they can at least humanely end its suffering. Still, it is your call when that happens, and it is an enormous responsibility.

It is too easy to get rattled up with guilt after euthanasia. Maybe there was something else you could have done, another doctor you could have taken the animal to, maybe you could have waited a bit longer, and your pet would have been fine.

Or on the other hand, you could feel guilty that you have waited too long to do euthanasia. All these are everyday thoughts because they are nothing more than the aftermath of your decision.

Remember that you can always go back and talk to your pet’s doctor, just in case the facts are unclear. You want to be reassured that euthanasia is necessary.

Rags 3-29-09
Rags 3-29-09

If these thoughts persist, it is ideal that you speak to a therapist because this type of trauma can have long-term effects on you. In the beginning, you can expect to get flashbacks of the event triggered by small things. These can also persist if you do not confront the matter.

The guilt of euthanizing your beloved pet could make it extremely difficult to come to terms with its death because you will regard it as your fault. If this happens, you must try your best to hold on to facts rather than feelings.

Remember everything that happened and why you chose to say yes to euthanasia. Try to visualize your pet’s suffering and what it would have gone through if the euthanasia hadn’t been performed. Do your best to trust your decision and the fact that it was made out of love.

Another thing that could help you with this process is writing a letter to your pet, telling it all about what happened. This is a perfect way of externalizing your feelings and, hopefully, some of the pressure. The letter would also remind you of the events, which you can read again if necessary.

Getting Another Pet – When Is It the Right Time?

The most common suggestion you will get while coping with the loss of your pet is getting another. First, whether or not this will happen at all depends entirely on you. You are the only one who gets to choose if you want to get another animal or not.

Moreover, this is not a decision you must make on the spot. Instead, allow yourself to go through the grieving process of losing your pet. Then, you can decide if you want to bring another animal into your life.

Getting another pet right away could be disruptive to your grieving process and the relationship you build with the new animal because, like people, animals cannot be replaced. So instead, take your time and get another pet when the time feels right because you are ready for a new connection and crave the old one.

As you go through the grieving stages, you will need to connect with an animal again. At first, you could feel guilty about this. Remember that guilt is a normal reaction and that it only confirms the love that you have for the pet that passed away. However, wanting another animal companion does not undermine your love for it. So, be kind to yourself!

Waiting too long could also be a bad idea, especially if you give in to the guilt. Instead, consider when you will feel ready for a new pet because you may put it off forever.

Volunteering at an animal shelter might be a way to figure out if you would like another pet.

Bluedreamer Ragdoll Kittens Kansas City IMG_9091

If you choose to get a new pet, allow yourself to fully connect to the new start it brings guilt-free. There is room in your heart for loving your pet that passed away and the new one. It deserves its own story and identity, so take advantage of all the beautiful experiences it brings!

As you can see, grieving the loss of a pet is a complex process because it means losing a companion. However, the pain of it is genuine, just like the feelings you have for your pet. Give yourself the time and space to go through it every step of the way. Have you lost a pet? What was your experience with coping with grief? You can tell us all about it in the comments section below.

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Hi, I’m Jenny Dean, creator of Floppycats! Ever since my Aunt got the first Ragdoll cat in our family, I have loved the breed. Inspired by my childhood Ragdoll cat, Rags, I created Floppycats to connect, share and inspire other Ragdoll cat lovers around the world,

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  1. Amy Ratcliffe says:

    Thanks for sharing this. Just a couple of weeks ago, I lost my Elvis, the sweetest cat I have ever known. He was 18 and had been in declining health, so I was preparing myself for the inevitable, but it’s still hard, even if you know it is what is best.

  2. SadRagdollMom says:

    Thank you for this. This will be long as I just lost our family pet.

    I am trying to find coping ways and going through mourning, as we speak. We have a unique situation and only had our second sweet Ragdoll for only 3 weeks… we were seating in a Vet ER for over 3 hours with the agonizing decision that it was best for her quality of life to put her down. I absolutely did not want to and thats why it took 3 MORE hours to make this decision (and this was the second Vet with a second opinion within a collective 6 hrs of visits from two different Vet offices in 1 day). She was a retired 10yr old Ragdoll we took in, so her age may have played a role. Not sure

    She was the SWEETEST cat I have ever owned! And thats saying a lot bc I love my 14 yr old Ragdoll to pieces, too! She had definitely bonded with all of us (hubby and I and 3 kids) and loved my 14 yr old Ragdoll, too! I am not sure how I will ever live with having to make such a hard decision but she unfortunately had a irreversible condition that we did not know of, and perhaps the breeder we got her from did not know either.

    No matter what, I no longer wake up to her on my side in bed; no more kitty hugs and kisses to our other senior kitty; no more late nights with our son while he plays his game when he is supposed to be asleep; no more early morning walk-thrus in the kitchen with her to our screened in back porch and smile while I watch her and our other Ragdoll watch birds fly while drinking coffee; no more laughter at her when she has her “sparkle ball” in her mouth and meows while bringing it to me in her mouth, no more cuddles with her wanting to get under my blanket bc she loved being a lap kitty on the couch; no more having her “superman fly” on the foot of my bed at 2am to show me she has her toy and wants me to see it or that she is finally ready to cuddle up head to head with either me or our other Ragdoll in bed; no more excitement from her when I walk through the door as she would wait-knowing which door I came in at. No more of my sweet, sweet girl. .

    I have gone through every emotion, blaming the Vet to the lady I got her from (silently and tastefully in my own home with my family) but I am trying to repeat in my head everyday that it was not anyone’s fault (to try and cope better). She was a senior kitty, and we did give her the best family life with lots and lots of love before she passed. We will always love her, though we only had her briefly!!!!❤️

    1. Ugh, I am so very sorry for these tough decisions and the losses you have experienced as a result. My heart goes out to you all!

    2. Christina says:

      I read your comment with great interest. Our cat, Cappuccine died a month ago today. Shr was only 10 years old. What you wrote could have easily been.written by me. So many similarities in our stories of “no more…” It breaks my heart when I walk around the house without her to follow me, come home without her to greet me, lie in bed at night without her to wake me with a “birdie” she brought up to me with her unique chirp to alert me, go up the stairs without her positioning herself at the foot of them, gathering up her rocket fuel to propel herself up after me, etc etc etc. It will take a long while for me to accept her absence.

  3. Tina Sorensen says:

    Thanks for the helpful information; compassionate, beneficial thoughts and ideas in coping and moving on with the memories, and a new friend. After the crushing loss of our beloved Ragdoll, this article sure hit home for me. We still have painful moments, but are finding that time and your ideas for emotional comforts, connections, etc help so much, as well as now having two new feline friends. They have us and our two grieving cats coming along quite well, with their silly antics.

    1. Thank you, Tina – I am so very sorry for your loss.

  4. Every well written. I have two Ragdolls kitten & a Main Coon. After a battle with pancreatic my Main Coon (15 yrs)had to be put down last Monday (May 10th). Not an easy task. This article came at the right time. I still cried of course.

    Thank you

    1. Ugh, I am sorry about your Maine Coon – not fun to say good-bye.

  5. TYSVM for this beautiful and thoughtful post, Jenny honey! Very well done! 🙂 <3

    Big hugs & lots of love & purrs!

    Patti & Miss Pink Sugarbelle 🙂 <3 <3 <3

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